What Both Men and Women Want for Valentines Day

It’s no secret that men and women see things differently and want different things. These had been clearly expressed in various hubs such as these:

From a man’s point of view:

What A Man Wants For Valentine's Day by mrpooper

Valentine's Day Gifts That Men Really Want by jimmythejock

From a woman’s point of view:

What do Women Want as a Gift on Valentine's Day by prettydarkhorse

Valentine's Day Gifts For What Women Really Want by shazwellyn

What Women Want from their Men as Gift on Valentine's Day by Anamika S

These differences were explained adequately in Valentine's Day Gifts For What Men Really Want by shazwellyn

Thank God for the internet and HubPages, I now have more concrete ideas of what my wife wants as she published Buy Her a Valentine's Day Gift Online: What Women Appreciate. It occurred to me that there could be a compromise, a meeting of the minds of men and women…two seemingly very dissimilar beings as to have been ascribed as coming from Mars and Venus, respectively.

As appealing this idea might be, especially when you are simply frustrated with what your partner wants, let’s just do without the ranting and for once focus on the similarities instead the differences. Because the truth of the matter is that men and women are two sides of the same coin. Our wants may seem different or even opposite on the surface, but when you dig deeper to the core of our beings…our basic needs are the same. Both want to be needed, appreciated and loved by a reliable partner in life. However, these are expressed in different but complementary ways in men and women. This is a product of how our species have evolved and the best yet “solution” in our species recent past (secular interpretation), or this is how we were created to fulfill God’s design (religious interpretation).

When we put ourselves in the other’s shoes, we begin to see that there are good reasons for each other’s actions and preferences.  And when we do that and begin to understand, it’s difficult to insist on what we want only for ourselves.  By making room for and accepting as valid our partner's point of view, conflicts are lessened and collaboration enhanced.  Our differences supply our mutual needs and offset our mutual lacks, and should therefore be celebrated.

So here’s my list of Top 5 often cited differences followed by suggestions on how we should look at it within a paradigm of complementarity to lessen conflicts, facilitate understanding and enhance appreciation of one another.

1. Women want to be special and desirable; Men want sex.
2. Women like to cuddle; Men prefer to be left alone, or have sex instead.
3. Women like to talk; Men like to be left alone, drink beer or have sex instead.
4. Women like to discuss problems, Men want solutions…pronto.
5. Women would like Men to know what they want; Men have no clue and want women to just tell them.

Having enumerated the above comparison and contrast, let me point out that these preferences or tendencies of men and women belong to the same spectrum or range of possibilities and only differ by degrees.  This may also explain the variety of preferences within a gender even among persons with similar circumstances.

To illustrate, men want sex…women also do want it.  They may simply diverge on how often they want it and on which circumstances favor its conduct.  Men also want to be desired upon and be special to their respective partners, perhaps not as much as women yearn for mate’s attention.

On conversations, men are generally not into long conversations, particularly those on emotional topics.  If on one hand, women just want to vent out their frustrations and other feelings and simply needed someone to listen, men, one the other hand, want solutions at the end of the conversation, preferably as short a conversation as possible.  Now why would a man not listen if all his partner want is a sympathetic ear...a sounding board?  Men just need to resist the urge to solve her mate’s problem or frustrations, and to stay calm and listen instead. 

On the same token, why would a woman insist on going on and on and on with her ranting, if she is aware that an extended emotional conversation is not her partner’s cup of tea…in fact he’d rather clean the sewage than stay on a conversation that cannot be “fixed” easily and immediately.  I might be exaggerating but what I am pointing at is a need to be aware of each other’s perspective and be considerate about how each other feel.   

Regarding #5 above, dropping a hint…during those conversations or in an article (like in the case of my wife) would do wonders and improves the probability of fulfilling expectations, not that it would be right on the mark…but hey, your man might surprise you, which is what you want, right?

Now, what are gifts that can be given taken all the above into consideration?  Good you ask…the following are my suggestions.

I read somewhere that lingerie is a man’s gift to himself that is given to his wife/girlfriend. In a way it’s true as men are visual beings and would want to see women in such outfit. When it is given to his wife or girlfriend, she should be flattered and feel special as he’s sending the message that he wants to see her in it (and later out of it, of course). But guys must not make the mistake of giving her the wrong size!

Gift for her: lingerie

Gift for him: lingerie on her

An evening at the spa for a massage package for couples is the best gift for both, especially those in stressful jobs or situations. The pampering is what women wants and that which men cannot refuse. You both will enjoy the ambiance…soothing, therapeutic and relaxing….the aroma (usually essential oils of flowers or fruits), the sound (usually of stream or small waterfalls, or new age music), reduced visual inputs (pleasant interior design under low intensity lights), and of course the touch therapy or massage with many variations to choose from (from soft or light taps to hard pressures design to take away the tension and “knots” and relax the muscles at the back and neck region or other problematic areas).

In certain locations, there are masseuse that offer home or hotel service that might be preferred by some couples.

A more personal alternative is giving your partner a massage or spa treatment at home. You can prepare in advance by

1. buying a spa gift set with your favorite aroma (click on the right to choose)

2. preparing the room by buying scented candles, soothing music (those to the right are recommended);

3. and learning some basics on romantic or erotic massage (through books and dvds below; a helpful video is also included below)…and you can wing the rest.

Of course, nothing can stop your partner from reciprocating and doing it for you as well.

Gift for both: Massage package for couples

Gift for either the guy or gal: Give a personal romantic/erotic massage

For those who want to do it all from scratch and impress their partners, here is a useful hub on Sensual Essential Oil Valentine's Day Gift by double_frick.

How about body scrub bonding moments right in your own home spa? Check out Home-made Facial and Body Scrub Concoctions and How to Make Them by Mama Sez

Other related information:

Holistic Health: The Basics of Swedish Massage by Maddie Ruud.

Holistic Health: The Basics of Zen Shiatsu by Maddie Ruud

Techniques for Foot Massage by Kat07

Why would this work? For men, it is playing (instead of merely talking), usually visual and of course sensual… that would lead to what men want. For women, it is intimate, interactive and all of your mate’s attention is exclusively on you. Doing things together or doing things on each other could lead to new discoveries or avenues to explore.

For either guy or gal: adult games featured on the right.

For the more adventurous gal, why not make an exclusive video or related risqué gifts for your guy. Some great ideas can be found in these hubs:

Sexy Valentine's Day Gifts for Men by PrettyPanther and

Valentine's Day Gifts for Naughty Girls by cindyvine.

The key here is to plan ahead and make all necessary arrangements. When planning this romantic weekend, balance physical activities and time inside for cuddle, talks, and watching videos. It goes without saying that preferences of both must be taken into account. Your partner would appreciate the effort and would be more generous in accommodating what you want or more forgiving on the shortfalls. Remember, it’s a tango and it takes two to dance or ruin it.

Below and to the right are some resources for you to plan a romantic weekend for two.

A Valentine's Day Getaway at a Bed and Breakfast by alekhouse

Planning a Romantic Weekend Getaway by dogsdogsdogs

California Weekend Getaways by relache

Romantic Getaways in the U.S. and Canada

Just like going away, there could be as much preparation for staying in for the day or for the whole weekend. All preparations, including kids and other domestic matters, need to be done ahead of time and may involve both of you to accomplish. Again, balancing what each wanted is the key.

For her: music, dancing, cook for her, romantic video Click on suggestions to the right.>

For him: beer, wine, popcorn, lingerie, your amateur video See adult games section above.

For both: How about a bubble bath? Lavender would be a great milk bath for this occasion.

If you are into giving stuff whether extravagant or memorabilia, be mindful of what your partner wants and would likely love or appreciate. In general, men like practical stuff to use regardless of price. But there are also those who would like to show off the most recent gadget and you may have to shell out more. For women, you cannot go wrong with jewelry. Exceptions would be those who are really into it or those who collect them that you need to be more careful in your choice. That which is most meaningful for the most romantic among women is a card, letter or poem that you took time to make yourself.

Gifts for him: practical items, gadget, jewelry

Gifts for her: made by him (card, letter, poem), yoga kit, jewelry